


Can anyone here say with any certainty that they know what they’re doing?

by MarsBar2019



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Begging, Blow Jobs, Cunnilingus, Daddy Kink, Dirty Talk, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Marking, Married Life, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Praise Kink, Pregnancy, Pregnancy Kink, Spanking, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, idk why I even tag for those two anymore, it's my brand, maybe? - Freeform, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-04-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:07:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23387119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarsBar2019/pseuds/MarsBar2019
Summary: Some cute but actually kind of filthy Widojest married life smut. Though really, if you think about it, this is one of the less filthy things I've written. I don't know what to say for myself.Or: seducing your husband with pranks - the Jester Lavorre storyOr: learning new things about your husband and yourself by calling him names in bed - the Jester Lavorre storyEDIT 4/29: I added a little (non smutty) epilogue that's been kicking around in my brain for a bit.
Relationships: Jester Lavorre/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 24
Kudos: 178





	1. Chapter 1

Jester Lavorre still didn’t know all that much about pregnancy, but she did know she sure as hell liked the second trimester better than the first. In the first 12 weeks, she’d basically cycled between excited and cranky, joyous and tearful, sometimes all at once. Jester remembered one incident, when just the week before she had found out she was pregnant, and they were visiting her mother to share the good news. She’d run through the house looking for Caleb, chattering endlessly to anyone who stopped to say hello to her her, and when she finally found him, sitting with her mother, swept into his arms and greeted him with a big kiss.

“Hi, Mama! Baby, I was thinking, we should go out tonight, just us, there’s a really, really great place by the docks that I really like, it’s so pretty, you can see out over the water, and they have these amazing cupcakes they make for dessert with like cornmeal and raisins, and I’ve been thinking about them for _days,_ do you want to?”

 _“_ You know I cannot say no to you, _Liebling,_ ” he said, looping his arms around her waist.

“Is that okay, Mama?” she asked, looking to her mother. “I will bring you back that salad you like, with the cheese and the pomelo! We can eat with you tomorrow, right?”

“Of course, Sapphire,” her mother said with a smile. “I was hoping to have a celebratory dinner with you tomorrow night, but I need a little time to prepare. Go out and enjoy the city, loves.”

She’d dragged Caleb back to their rooms to get changed and go out, but when she pulled her nice dress on and struggled to lace the front over her tender and swollen breasts, she burst into tears. Caleb was caught off guard, rushing to her after a moment’s pause.

“Jester, what’s wrong? Does something hurt?” His hand went to her stomach, one arm around her shoulders, worry clearly written on his face. Jester looked up at him, sniffling and tearful, and hid her face in his shoulder.

“I’m going to get _so fat_ because of this baby and you aren’t going to love me or think I’m pretty anymore!” That was obviously not the problem Caleb was expecting, and he attempted the start of several responses before Jester heard her mother clear her throat from the doorway. Jester lifted her face, cheeks streaked with tears. Marion was obviously trying not to smile, and gave Caleb a knowing glance.

“Son, you forgot your book in my sitting room. I wanted to return it to you.” Marion laid it on the vanity and walked over to give Jester a tender kiss on the head.

“If she’s anything like her mother, you have many long weeks of this ahead of you,” she whispered to Caleb, pecking him on the cheek before taking her leave.

“Jester, I will not ever stop loving you, not ever, especially not because you gained _weight_. _Meine Liebe,_ you could grow to be the size of Yarnball and that would not change, you will always be the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in my life,” Caleb murmured, pressing kisses to the top of her head. "And I would get on your back and you could take me anywhere you wanted, and everyone would look and say wow, how lucky that man is!" That made her giggle.

Jester looked back on that moment now with a laugh, glad those mood swings were mostly behind her, along with the bone-deep fatigue that would hit her in the middle of the day, and of course the hours of nausea. Caleb had helped her through all of it, never made fun of her when she was crying over a dirty tablecloth, and he sat on the bathroom floor in the middle of the night with her, rubbing her back as she bent over the toilet and cursed him out.

Now, yes, she was a bit congested from time to time, but her skin was glowing, her belly was round, and her energy and mood were more stable. Now that she was in her second trimester and both her and baby were healthy, the worry lines on Caleb’s forehead were relaxing, he was laughing more easily and seemed to be letting himself get excited, believe that it was real. He still worried, took care to make sure her meat was fully cooked and to accompany her to all her checkups, and it had taken some time to convince him that it was, in fact, still okay to have sex, something which she thanked the Traveler for, because she was hornier than ever. That was one symptom her husband definitely didn’t mind assisting her with, now that he’d been assured in triplicate by her, two midwives _and_ Caduceus that it wouldn’t harm the baby.

Tonight, she was laying in bed after her bath, writing in her journal, when Caleb poked his head around the door. Jester’s heart welled with affection at the sight of his tousled red hair, blue eyes, and a small spark of something else when she noticed the creamy freckled skin peeking out from under his shirt collar. She wanted to sink her teeth into it.

“Blueberry, have you seen my pouch? I usually always have it, but I must have put it down somewhere…” Jester shrugged innocently and pulled the blankets back, revealing an expanse of blue thigh peeking from under her robe.

“I haven’t seen it, but maybe it’s in here,” she said coyly. Caleb smiled, familiar with her come-ons by now, pushed off the doorway and joined her in bed. Propping himself up over her, careful not to put weight on her belly, he kissed her gently; Jester didn’t think she’d ever get tired of the softness of his lips, the taste of ale and raspberries that were so uniquely _him_ to her.

“Unless you are hiding it under this robe, I do not think it is in bed with you,” he mumbled, nuzzling at her neck.

“Maybe I am,” she teased, looping her arms around his neck, “you ought to find out.” Caleb grinned and kissed over her collarbone, one hand coming up to stroke her belly ever so lightly.

“It would be a very elaborate prank if it turned out that our little Boysenberry was my components pouch this whole time.”

“My best one yet,” she giggled.

“Really, _Schatz,_ I need to find it…”

Jester sighed in frustration and rolled over to reach under the bed where she’d hidden the pouch. Caleb’s eyes lit up and he took it from her, placing it securely on the bedside table.

“Here, Mister Grumpy. Happy now?”

“Very,” he assured her, returning to her side. She rolled over, her tail flicking behind her, and threw one leg over his waist. “I was going to have to get up out of bed and stop kissing you if I did not find it.”

“Well you know I would never allow such a thing,” Jester said, mockingly stern.

“Then you should stop being naughty and lifting my things,” he murmured, reaching around to pinch her ass. Jester yelped and giggled, pulling him in for another long kiss. She might have been content with just that, but the longer they made out, the more insistent the heat between her legs grew.

“ _Cayleb_ …” she sighed, as he gently rolled her over onto her back, kissing at her collarbone. “I need you…” He settled in with her legs around his waist, slowly pulling her robe back to reveal more of her breasts to his tongue and his lips.

“Is that so?” he asked, a light tease in his voice. “I am not sure that I should give you anything, since you caused me so much trouble by taking my pouch. You have lots of toys if you would like to get off.” Jester let out a soft whine and pulled at his shirt, trying to get more of his hot skin on hers.

“No, I want _you…_ ”She could feel from Caleb’s hard length pressing into her inner thigh that he was no less wanting, but she also knew he liked to tease and especially liked when she begged.

“Are you sure?” he asked, his long fingers circling one of her dark blue nipples. “I sort of think I ought to punish you, for being so bad.” The arousal only flared in Jester’s core. She liked when her husband got a little authoritative in bed.

“Do you think so?” she replied sweetly, lifting one of Caleb’s hands to cup one side of her full, firm ass. Caleb squeezed with a sigh, eliciting a soft moan of contentment from Jester. He pulled his hand back and gave her a light slap on the ass, not enough to really hurt, but the pleasurable sting made Jester squirm and flush.

“Yes, _more,_ ” Jester begged, enjoying the hitch in his breath. “Please…”

“Please what, _Liebling_?” Caleb asked, leaning over to suck one of her nipples into his mouth as he palmed at her ass.

“ _Spank me, daddy_.”

Jester didn’t know exactly where the words came from or why they brought a gush of wetness between her legs, and she was surprised to hear Caleb let out a choked moan with his breast still in her mouth. _Oh. This was a new thing._

He looked up at her, surprise written on his face, and she was sure she looked just as surprised back.

“Jester…?”

“Is that okay?” she asked hurriedly. “I mean, you seemed to like it, and I guess, I kind of like it, I just- but not if you don’t.” Her face was burning. Caleb flushed.

“No, I do,” he said quietly, clearly a little embarrassed. She breathed a sigh of relief.

“Good because I do too. I didn’t really know that ’til I said it. Besides, I mean, you are gonna be one.” She winked and felt his cock twitch against her leg. Emboldened, she untied her robe and spread it open, enjoying the way his eyes roved over her like she was his last meal. Caleb bent his head back to her collarbone and began lustily sucking a bruise into her, leaving a trail of marks down to her breasts. They’d always been full but slowly, over the last several months, they’d become swollen and sensitive, making his touches and teases even more enjoyable. By the time he reached her sternum, Jester was trembling and sighing, wiggling under him.

“You are needy tonight, _Schatz_ ,” Caleb said, laying soft kisses over her firm belly. She loved the way his blue eyes flashed, dark with lust, when he lifted his head to look at her.

“That’s your fault,” she teased, carding her fingers through his hair. “You got me pregnant, remember?”

“Did I?” Caleb went to his knees and lifted her legs so they were up around his forearms. He palmed her ass and looked her over again, making another wave of heat and want flood her. “I do not seem to remember doing that. Are you sure it was me?” Jester giggled.

“Well I guess it could have been any of my hundreds of other lovers, but you’re the only one whose baby would give me this kind of heartburn, so I’m pretty sure you’re the father.” They both laughed and he bent down to kiss her again for a few long moments.

“You asked for a spanking?” Caleb said against her mouth, his hands roaming over her ass and thighs.

“Yes, please,” she whined, canting her hips, desperately seeking friction. Jester moved her lips to his ear and sucked on it before whispering, “ _please, daddy…”_ Caleb’s hands tightened on her and she felt him stiffen against her again, and gods she was so fucking turned on already.

“On your knees,” he growled in her ear. Jester happily obliged, sitting up with her feet primly tucked under her, her tail thumping in excitement. Caleb stood to undress and she couldn’t say she minded waiting, drinking in the constellations of freckles over his shoulders, the auburn hair on his chest that she loved nuzzling her nose into, the hints of muscle definition that had emerged in his legs since she’d met him. And of course, he had a great butt. Jester was very proud of herself for choosing a husband with a great butt. It was an undervalued feature in husbands, as far as she could tell.

She dipped a hand between her legs as he was undressing, just to see how ready she was, and her fingers came back slick. When Caleb kneeled on the bed behind her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, she was ready to skip all the foreplay and get to what she really needed. Jester let out a soft moan when he started mouthing at her neck from behind, his fingers tracing patterns on her collarbone.

“How could I have ever gotten so lucky?” he murmured, nuzzling into her shoulder. His hot breath on her ear sent a shiver through her when he nipped her and ordered, “Get down.” Jester moaned, a little louder this time, as his commanding tone sent another bolt of heat to her core. She bent down on her elbows, ass up, feeling the air kiss her wet cunt. They hadn’t tried this position until she got pregnant, when Caleb became afraid to have her rest on her front in his lap, but she thought she liked it better. She felt deliciously exposed like this, at his mercy, able to be wet and wanting and wanton and take what he gave her.

“Look at you,” he moaned, hands on her hips. “So wet already for me…. How do you want it, _Liebling_?”

“Just gentle,” she said softly, a haze of warmth and safety and submission rolling over her. “Not too hard.” Caleb laid a kiss into the small of her back and sat back, running his hands over her spine and down to the round fullness of her ass. The first slap was unexpected, making Jester jump and yelp, the pleasure-pain blooming under her skin.

“Too hard?” he asked from behind her, his accent already thick with lust.

“No, just right,” she sighed, spreading her legs a little wider for him. The next few strokes were less surprising but just as delicious, and by the seventh she was moaning and writhing, practically dripping on the bedsheets.

“Do you need something?” Caleb asked teasingly, his fingers dancing maddeningly lightly over her inner thighs, deliberately not touching her where she wanted it.

“ _Yes,_ please touch me, please, please….”

“Where? Here?” Caleb’s fingers moved further away, brushing over the top of her thigh.

“No, no, you know where…” Jester felt his fingers press against her clit, but they stilled, not parting them to go further. “ _Cayleb!_ ” She heard his low chuckle behind her and flushed, a little embarrassed at her neediness but too turned on to care.

“Here?” Suddenly his fingers dipped between her labia, stroking over her slick wetness, pulling cries of want from Jester.

“Yes, yes, there! Fuck, please!” Her thighs were trembling as he pushed two wet fingers into her, her passage opening for him easily in her arousal, slick dripping down her thighs. “Touch me like that, _daddy_ …” She heard his breath hitch and his fingers twisted inside her, pressing down on that special spot that made her see stars, and suddenly his mouth was on her clit, sucking and licking mercilessly, and she was cumming, shaking and keening and crying his name. He stroked and licked her through it, until she was mewling and squirming away from overstimulation.

Rolling back over onto her back, her muscles warm and pliant from her orgasm, Jester gestured for Caleb to come kiss her. She loved the sight of him after he ate her out, hair mussed, his beard dark and wet with her slick, looking at her like she was a treasure. He kissed her hungrily, the taste of her earthy and savory on his mouth.

“Did you like that, _Liebling_?” he murmured against her mouth, slipping his hot tongue between her lips. She moaned in response, already feeling the heat gather in her belly again.

“You know I did…let me make you feel good,” she whispered, gently guiding him up. “Sit up.” Caleb did as she asked, but it wasn’t until she got up from the bed and kneeled on the floor in front of him that he blushed.

“Oh, Jester, you do not have to-“

“I want to,” she cut him off. Blowjobs weren’t her favorite, and he knew it, but she enjoyed how much _he_ enjoyed them. They were more fun for her when she was in this kind of mood - wanting, submissive, reveling in the push and pull of masculine and feminine between them. That dynamic manifested in many ways, and both of them could embody both roles, but there was something about being pregnant that made her feel very feminine. Her changing body, certainly, the swell of her bump and her breasts, the darkening of her nipples and thickening of her hips was deeply erotic, but that wasn’t all. Even just laying in bed with Caleb at night, the way he rolled over in his sleep and wrapped a protective arm around her belly, rested his head on her lap and whispered lullabies and loving words to their baby long before it could hear, the knowledge that she was creating something inside her that was the two of them, together, made her feel very powerful and very feminine.

Kneeling in front of Caleb now, she looked up into his eyes and saw so much tenderness she thought her heart could break, and she leaned forward to run her tongue over the length of his flushed and leaking cock. She felt his fingers tangle in her hair and he let out a long groan as she took him into her mouth. Jester built up a steady rhythm, using her hand to help where her mouth didn’t reach, her other to rub at her clit, and melted into the sensations: the warm weight of him on her tongue, the salty sweet of his pre-spend, the velvet soft skin in her hand, his moans and gasps of pleasure, his hand on her head, stroking her horns, and her fingers sliding over the wet slickness of her cunt.

“Jester, Jester, I - I do not - oh, _scheisse_ \- I will not last long if you keep going like this,” he panted. Jester slid him out of her mouth with an obscene wet sound and sat up on her knees. She leaned forward and nuzzled into the thatch of copper hair at his base, laying kisses over the sensitive skin. Continuing to stroke him, she looked up at Caleb, arousal blooming between her legs at how wrecked he looked already.

“You don’t want to cum on my tits?” she asked, savoring the twitch of his cock and tremble of his thighs.

“I - _fuck -_ want to please you more," he managed, “I want to cum but I want to save it for you, _Liebling_.”

“Save it for me? For what? You already got me pregnant,” Jester replied with a salacious wink. “So I think you’re just saying you want to fuck me.” He let out a stuttering sigh and stilled her hand, covering it with his.

“ _Ja_ , I am, and that I will not be able to if you do not let me simmer down,” he said firmly. “Lay down for me, Blueberry, I want to make you feel good while I cool off and then we can, okay? Let me taste you again.”

Jester climbed up onto the bed and lay back, resting on her favorite pillows.

“Whatever you say, daddy,” she teased, so turned on from fingering herself while she sucked him off she thought she could cum again just from the way he looked at her.

“That’s right,” he whispered in her ear, nipping at her neck. “ _Good girl_.” Jester felt another gush of heat and wet between her legs, and she moaned. She loved being praised.  
  
“Do you like that?” Caleb asked, nuzzling between her breasts. “When I call you a good girl?” Jester nodded, her bottom lip worrying between her teeth. “Good to know.” The dark flash in his eyes sent a shudder through her, but she didn’t have time to contemplate it before he was kissing down, over her belly, and she felt his breath ghost over her slick thighs. She tried to crane her neck to see over her stomach but gave up and relaxed into the pillows, letting out a long and desperate keen when his tongue slid between her labia. Though she’d enjoyed the fast and efficient sucking off she got before, Caleb usually liked to take his time between her thighs, teasing her with different pressures and strokes, playing with different parts of her cunt and lavishing attention on all of them. When he ate her out, Jester felt like she was a new spell, something exciting that Caleb had to learn every curve and angle of in order to master and perfect it. She got the impression, when he looked up at her with hunger in his eyes, like he was cataloging her every reaction, filing away the infinite combinations of pleasuring her to try out and improve upon. Jester rewarded Caleb for his diligence with her responsiveness; he loved her gasps and moans, her long sighs and high pitched squeals when she got close, the way her fingers clenched in his hair.

Tonight was no different, a litany of praises and encouragements spilling from her lips as he worked, _yes, baby, please, ohhh fuck, Cayleb, just like that, oh, gods, you know what I like_ , and though her stomach partially blocked the view she could conjure in her mind an image of what she knew he'd look like, wearing a blissed out expression, eyes closed, worshipping between her legs.

“Such a good girl, _Schatz_ ,” he said, lifting up for a moment to look at her. “You make such pretty noises for me.”

“Cayleb, please, I want you,” Jester whined, writhing on the bedsheets. “I need you.”

“I want to hear you say it,” he growled, climbing back over her and kissing, sucking at her breasts.

“Please, I need you to fuck me, I need your cock, daddy, please give it to me!” Caleb let out a low groan and sank his teeth into her shoulder, reaching between her legs to slick his cock.

“How do you want it?” he panted, lifting himself up to look at her.

“Take me from behind,” she begged, rolling over onto her stomach, forgetting for a moment that she ought not to. Caleb, kneeling, quickly wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her up into his lap, running his hands over her round belly.

“Let’s make room for Boysenberry, ja?” Caleb whispered, his hands moving to her thighs and gently spreading them. She complied eagerly, arching her back and moaning, so needy, unable to think of anything but how much she wanted him, wanted him inside her, and then he was, and she was _full,_ in just the way she wanted to be. He slid inside her easily, her body familiar to him by now, and she rested her head back against his shoulder, the heat of him behind her, inside her, around her almost overwhelming. Jester had nothing more coherent than sounds now, and she sank into the haze of sensations: his hands were on her, one arm wrapped around her chest, the other under her belly, his cock was thrusting in and out of her with deliciously wet sounds, her fingers were moving over her slick clit, intensifying the pleasure of his thrusts, and she could hear his pants and moans from behind her, feel the trembling of his thighs under her hands, but the best of all his words, hot and seductive in her ear,

“Oh, _meine Liebe,_ you feel so good on my cock, so hot and wet and needy…I want to feel you cum on it, I love making you cum, over and over again…you thought you would be unattractive to me when you got pregnant but if you only knew how much more I want you, you glowing, gorgeous woman, mother of my child…you are amazing, Jester…I cannot keep my hands off you, and your _body_ , _scheisse_ …you do not know what you do to me, Jester…”

“I’m gonna cum,” Jester cried, feeling her peak approaching. He groaned and reached up with one hand to pinch her nipple, growling in her ear,

“ _Be a good girl and cum for me.”_

Jester let go, her orgasm hitting her like a wave, and she shouted as she gushed over his cock,

“Ohhhh, fuck, _daddy!”_

-which made Caleb let out a choked cry and clasp her tight, spending himself inside her, and Jester sighed as she relaxed back into his arms, the familiar feeling of his warm release dripping down her thighs.

They stayed like that for a moment, panting and regaining control of their bodies, until Jester lifted herself off Caleb’s lap and collapsed onto the bed.

“Holy _shit,_ baby,” she breathed as he lay beside her, wrapping her up in his arms and pressing a kiss to her forehead. Caleb flushed a little, and if she didn’t have perfect vision in this dim light she wouldn’t have even noticed it.

“You…seemed to enjoy that?” he said tentatively.

“I wasn’t the only one,” Jester replied, gesturing to her messy thighs. He smiled and raised one hand lazily to cast _Prestidigitation_ , cleaning them both with one flick of his wrist. “Thank you.”

“One cannot have a sticky wife,” he mumbled, eyes already fluttering shut. “Ancient Zemnian proverb.” Jester giggled.

“A very wise one, I think.” She snuggled into the crook of his arm, one leg thrown over his waist, starting to drift off to sleep herself. Then, all of a sudden, she felt a flutter in her belly. Her eyes snapped open and Caleb must have felt the tensing of her muscles.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” he asked, eyes wide. “Did I hurt you? Did-“ Jester silenced him with a loving kiss before placing his hand over her belly, just to the right of her navel.

“They’re moving,” she whispered, as though pointing it out might make the baby stop. Caleb’s expression changed suddenly, focusing all his attention on the small patch of her blue skin under his hand. Another flutter, and then another. “Do you feel it?”

“ _Ja,_ ” he choked, his voice thick with emotion. “I feel it.” Jester felt her own throat closing, tears pricking the corner of her eyes, as Caleb shifted to lay his head next to the spot they had felt the movement. She loved listening to him talk to the baby, even if she didn’t understand it.

“ _Hallo Kleiner! Papa ist so aufgeregt zu fühlen, wie du dich bewegst! Erkennst du Papas Stimme? Mama und Papa können es kaum erwarten, dich zu treffen, Kleiner. Ich kann es kaum erwarten, alles über dich zu erfahren, damit du mir beibringst, wie man dein Papa ist. Weißt du, deine Mama und ich nennen dich unsere kleine Brombeere. In Common klingt es besser ... Wir sagen, weil deine Mama blau ist wie ein wunderschöner Saphir und vor langer Zeit, als dein Papa in deine Mama verliebt war, aber er es noch nicht wusste, nannte er sie seine "Blaubeere". Sie ist blau und ich bin rot - nun, ich habe rote Haare - und so bist du unsere kleine lila Brombeere, eine Mischung aus uns beiden. Aber zwischen dir und mir hoffe ich, dass du wie sie bist, denn sie ist die besondere Person und du bist so glücklich, sie als deine Mama zu haben. Du hast so viele Leute, die dich hier draußen schon lieben. Deine Tanten Beau und Yasha und Veth und deine Onkel Yeza und Fjord und Caduceus, dein Cousin Luc und deine Großmutter Marion ... Dein Papa hat dich noch nicht getroffen, aber ich liebe dich schon so sehr. Mein Herz gehört dir von dem Moment an, als ich von dir erfahren habe. Ich werde dich immer lieben, solange du lebst, auch wenn ich weg bin._ ”

Jester felt wetness on her belly, a few tears falling from Caleb’s eyes onto her stomach.

“ _Gute Nacht, Kleiner. Ich liebe dich_.” He kissed the fluttery spot tenderly, then shifted back to the head of the bed and held her, nuzzling into her hair.

“What did you tell them?” she mumbled, suppressing a yawn.

“Oh, I said that we are excited to meet them, and I told them about why we call them our Boysenberry, and about all the people who are excited for them to come. And that we love them very much. And that you are amazing.” He kissed the top of her head and she curled into his arms. _How did I get this lucky?_

“I love you, Caleb Widogast.”

“I love you too, Jester Lavorre.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation of Caleb's talking to baby:
> 
> Hello, little one! Papa is so excited to feel you move! Do you recognize Papa's voice? Mama and Papa can't wait to meet you, little one. I cannot wait to learn all about you, for you to teach me how to be your Papa. You know, your Mama and I call you our little boysenberry. It sounds better in Common... We say that because your Mama is blue, like a beautiful sapphire, and a long time ago, when your Papa was in love with your Mama but he didn't know it yet, he called her his "blueberry". She is blue, and I am red - well, I have red hair - and so you are our little purple boysenberry, a mix of the two of us. But between you and me, I hope you will be like her, because she is the most special person and you're so lucky to have her as your Mama. You have so many people who already love you out here. Your aunties Beau and Yasha and Veth and your uncles Yeza and Fjord and Caduceus, your cousin Luc and your grandmother Marion... Your Papa hasn't met you yet, but I already love you so very much. My heart has been yours from the moment I learned of you. I will always love you, as long as you live, even when I'm gone.
> 
> Good night, little one. I love you.


	2. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just a little epilogue that's been kicking around in my head since I wrote this. Enjoy!

The moonlight filtered through gauzy white curtains, carried on a soft sea breeze from the open window. The crashing of the waves was a steady, soothing backdrop, matching the near silent glide of the rocking chair and Jester’s steady breathing.

Caleb looked down at the tiny, swaddled bundle in his arms. She was so, so small. He’d held babies before she came, but every time he took her in his arms he was struck again by just how fragile she was, and that someone who held his entire heart in her hands could be so little.

Back, forth. Back, forth. The breeze gently wafted the curtains.

Jester had wanted to come home to give birth. She knew that her mother would be unable to travel all the way to Rosohna to stay with them, and she wanted her mother’s help for the first few weeks. Caleb had agreed it would be wise, and so when she was nearing the end of her pregnancy, they’d set up in quarters in the Lavish Chateau and simply waited. There was still a tiny part of Caleb that didn’t quite believe it was going to happen until Jester woke up with the first cramp, and then it all sank in at once. This was it.

The birth was hard, but Jester was so brave. Caleb had watched her perform miracles, seen her raw power explode out of her on many occasions, and he thought that he had never been as in awe of his wife as he was through that night. He had murmured praises in her ear, reminded her how good she was doing, heated his hands to alleviate the pain in her back and stroked her forehead. It had scared Caleb, how much pain Jester was in; she had never made sounds like that before, and his heart broke with every cry that she alone had to bear it. Caleb never left her side, curled up in the bed next to her and held her close when she was too exhausted to be upright, wiped her tears from her face, breathed with her through every contraction.

When it was time to push, Jester wanted him to hold her, and he settled behind her and held her under her arms so she could brace against him. He felt lightheaded - _was there supposed to be this much blood? -_ and held on to Jester, praising each push, encouraging her to try just one more time, and then, all of a sudden, there was one sobbing, ear-piercing scream, and there she was. Every drop of fear and exhaustion and adrenaline melted from Caleb’s body, when the midwife lifted _her_ up from between Jester’s legs. He couldn’t see anything, tears were flowing and he was clutching Jester, speechless, and Jester was bawling and reaching for their baby, but she, she was perfect.

Caleb loved Jester. He knew that like he knew he got up in the morning and went to bed at night. It was as a part of him as breath in his lungs. He didn’t think he could give his heart away again, until he looked at _her_. The first time he held her, he couldn’t stop smiling.

“ _Hallo, Kleiner_ ,” Caleb said, his voice hardly above a whisper. She opened her eyes, bright blue, like the ocean, and focused on him, a little smile curling at the corners of her mouth. He thought his heart might burst. She knew him. “Do you recognize Papa’s voice?”

“This little girl is going to have her daddy wrapped around her finger,” the midwife had said to Jester, glancing at Caleb. Jester had beamed at him and he shrugged with a guilty smile. They had not yet fully named her. Caleb had asked if they could name the baby after one of his parents, which Jester had agreed to, but she insisted that the baby would have their own first name. She wanted them to make their own way, rather than carry the burden of being someone else. He had resisted at first, but eventually realized that she was right. Caleb didn’t want to be reminded of his greatest failure, his unforgivable act, every time he uttered his child’s name. More than that, he couldn’t bear for his child to wear that ancestral sin around their neck like a yoke. But, they had not chosen a first name yet, so for now, she was just Una, at least in his head.

On this night, like many other nights, Una had fallen back to sleep while he rocked her, but he was wide awake. Tonight, his sadness was overpowering, as it had been some nights since she was born. It didn’t surprise him that it would come, he had expected that when Jester got pregnant, like it had in the months leading up to their wedding, but it surprised him what set it off. Tiny things, like Marion sitting on the bed with an arm around Jester, cooing over Una, or simply rocking her to sleep for her nap and singing her lullabies, sometimes were fine, and other times opened a deep chasm of sorrow inside him.

He imagined what his parents might look like now, his mother, wavy auburn hair streaked with white, his father, who had already been silver at the temples when Caleb was a child - something he now saw hints of in his own reflection, alarmingly - more weathered from years in the fields, but with the spark of laughter still dancing in his blue eyes. Sometimes, when Marion was rocking Una to sleep, he closed his eyes and wondered what his mother would sing to her granddaughter. Fate had it that Una and Leofric had only had one child, but Caleb knew that his mother had hoped, at one point, that she might someday have a daughter. He could only imagine her joy at meeting his daughter. She would have thrown herself into the grandmother role, sewing Una’s clothes, helping her take care of her dolls when they were “sick”, baking excessive amounts of sweets for her birthdays.

The memory of his father was slightly more painful. Leofric was, by any standard, an excellent parent. Now that he had a child of his own, Caleb could imagine Leofric as a new father, and wondered if he had felt the way Caleb felt right now. Sometimes, when he looked at his daughter, and saw her staring up at him like he was the only thing in her world - because, besides Jester and Marion, he was - cold fear gripped his heart. How was he supposed to protect her? To help her become a good person? To guide her through a world with so many dangers and tempting mistakes? How could she rely on him, even a little bit? Caleb felt inadequate, unprepared, incompetent. Jester was a natural mother, easygoing and confident, and her faith in him did alleviate some of his worry. If she thought he could do this, then he probably could. Still, each time he failed to hear Una crying from the next room or realized he’d fallen asleep before setting an extra alarm spell around her cradle, he felt his heart sink, because she was barely two weeks old, and he’d already failed her.

He wished his father, with his calming presence, was here. When Leofric was a new father, did he worry as much as Caleb was worrying now? Did he double and triple check the diaper pins to be sure they were safely closed before dressing his baby? Had he watched Caleb like a hawk when he was feeding to make sure his nose didn’t get blocked? Did he inspect every gift of clothing or toys for any stray thread or loose button that his son might have choked on? Did his wife laugh and urge him to relax, like Jester did?

Back, forth. Back, forth.

Caleb remembered a conversation with his father, when he was fifteen, getting ready for his first date. He had been a nervous wreck, even though it was such a small thing, they were going for a walk to see the blooming wildflowers, he and a girl he’d known all his life, and though he tried to keep his anxiety to himself, his father clearly saw it. Leofric had sat down on his bed, where Caleb was picking at his shirt sleeves, trying to rub out a tiny, virtually imperceptible stain. He’d told him a story from when he was a teenager, asking out this beautiful, charming girl he was head over heels for, and how nervous and bumbling he was the entire time, doing everything wrong, and thinking he’d really screwed things up with her for good. Then, at the end of the date, she’d asked to see him again.

“It still was okay?” Caleb had mumbled, not wanting to show his nerves.

“Well, somehow I got her to marry me and she’s still here when I wake up every morning, so I’d say so.” He placed a hand on Caleb’s shoulder. “Don’t be so nervous. It’ll all work out. Oh, and make sure you pick her some flowers to take home with her. She’ll love it.”

It had worked out, even though Caleb could hardly remember the girl now. She had loved the flowers and he’d gotten his first kiss, and when he came home beaming, his father gave him a conspiratorial wink that made him smile more. Looking back, it wasn’t the tip that had helped him. It was just his father’s comforting hand on his shoulder, and his simple words.

_Don’t be so nervous. It’ll all work out._

Caleb thought he could use that now. Una smacked her lips and curled into his chest, one tiny purple fist coming up to rub her face, and she blinked her eyes open. He smiled at her.

“Hello, sweetheart,” he whispered. “You cannot sleep? That makes two of us.” Una fidgeted in his arms, and he stood to walk around the room with her, hoping to lull her back to sleep. When he passed the window, she followed the moonlight with her eyes.

“Do you want to look at the sea?” Caleb brought her over to the window, leaning against the frame so she could feel the breeze. “You know, your Mama and I and all your aunties and uncles were pirates once. We will tell you all about it, someday.” He knew she couldn’t understand him, but his voice was soothing to her. Caleb was quiet for a moment, just him and Una, watching the rhythmic swell of the ocean.

“I was thinking about your Oma and Opa. They would have loved you very much. I am sorry you cannot meet them. And…if they were here, maybe I would be a better Papa. They could teach me how. I have to confess to you, I am flying by the seat of my pants here a little.”

Una just stared up at him with her big blue eyes. He was struck, not for the first time, by the possibility she contained, the opportunity. She was a blank slate, unburdened by a past. She trusted him, instinctively, knew him in her blood and loved him immediately. He was her Papa. Everything else he was paled in comparison to that. She would never know him as anything but Caleb Widogast, her teacher, her protector, her sounding board, her safety net, her father.

_A chance to start over._

“But, we will figure it out together, ja?” Caleb looked down at his daughter, her eyes fluttering shut again as the sea breeze blew her fine, eggplant colored hair. He kissed her on the forehead and laid her gently in her cradle, the same wooden one that Jester had slept in as a baby.

“ _Gute Nacht, Kleiner, ich liebe dich.”_

Caleb turned the rocking chair so it faced the cradle and snapped Frumpkin into the seat.

“No sleeping on the job, ja?” he whispered, scratching the cat behind the ears. Caleb slid back into bed and wrapped an arm around Jester, who was still sleeping soundly. It came for him too not long after.

**Author's Note:**

> Translation of Caleb's talking to baby:
> 
> Hello, little one! Papa is so excited to feel you move! Do you recognize Papa's voice? Mama and Papa can't wait to meet you, little one. I cannot wait to learn all about you, for you to teach me how to be your Papa. You know, your Mama and I call you our little boysenberry. It sounds better in Common... We say that because your Mama is blue, like a beautiful sapphire, and a long time ago, when your Papa was in love with your Mama but he didn't know it yet, he called her his "blueberry". She is blue, and I am red - well, I have red hair - and so you are our little purple boysenberry, a mix of the two of us. But between you and me, I hope you will be like her, because she is the most special person and you're so lucky to have her as your Mama. You have so many people who already love you out here. Your aunties Beau and Yasha and Veth and your uncles Yeza and Fjord and Caduceus, your cousin Luc and your grandmother Marion... Your Papa hasn't met you yet, but I already love you so very much. My heart has been yours from the moment I learned of you. I will always love you, as long as you live, even when I'm gone.
> 
> Good night, little one. I love you.


End file.
